I started a new club in my building called the Lazyites Club.
The purpose of the club is to have a club to belong to, but
without any other responsibility regarding one’s membership.
I’ve set up a club calendar on Google for no reason at all.
Everyone can receive or not receive meeting notices.
I have absolutely no intention of ever attending a meeting
even though I am founder and president.
That would defeat the purpose of the club.
So if you want to join just say you’re in the club.
That’s all it takes,
because I don’t want to have to add your name
to some list I have to maintain.
It is such a nice evening, I say,
as I stare at my pitch black ceiling.
Somewhere someone can see the stars.
Somewhere someone can feel the night breezes.
But not me. I enjoy the fresh air
from the air conditioner,
lying with my back on clean sheets,
the dryer tumbling in the distance.
My Mini was in the shop for the day.
I needed a few specialty items.
John gave me a ride to the mall.
He swept the front seat clean with his sleeve.
Hamburger wrappers, empty cups with straws
pointing out of the top, papers, candy wrappers,
cans of all types, fell to the floor and he motioned me in.
The back seat was filled with magazines,
boards, and one plant.
When he started up a cloud of blue smoke came out the back.
Why don’t you get your Mini fixed, he said.
“Good idea,” I said.
Pinky came down with a cold.
First, we went to the ER
in the middle of the night.
Then we talked to another doctor
who did the acupuncture.
Then we went to the chiropractor.
Pinky kept me up late again and again,
Why can’t I get better?
Just be patient Pinky and let yourself get better.
I’m not used to being sick.
You are doing everything you can do, just be patient Pinky.
Why can’t I get better?
Everything will be OK, Pinky. Don’t worry.
I don’t like lying here.
I don’t like being feeble.
OK, Pinky. Just let me hold you for a minute.
Pinky wormed a second blood test out of her doctor.
She was happy about that and felt better.
The wise old birds of the Linkyshire Committee
announced the formation of a new museum.
They call it the Museum of Contemporary Americana.
I went for a visit.
It is a large McMansion with a brick facade.
Low cost items from the most popular discount stores
serve as exhibits.
I walked through the house for a fee of 3 bucks.
It was pretty accurate.
The furniture, plants, dishes, utensils were plastic.
There was a TV on in every room.
There was even a guard there.
I joked with the guard.
He was funny.
He told me he sometimes plays with the ice trays
in the freezer.
The ice cubes are lego shapes.
In my dream I had a son named Arbo.
He wanted to go to soccer camp
so I arranged it.
We had looked forward to it for months.
When we got there the other kids showed up.
They were only as tall as a small truck tire.
Arbo had fun anyway and made some friends.
His coach liked him a lot.
Helmut Cooper Special.
Racing beige w/beige top.
Twin Cam multivalve vock.
Supreme Suspension add-ons.
Gooflink fiber-to-the-car (FTTC) Internet.
Withit gas filter power boost.
More-air-to-the-passenger airbags. (just in case).
Leather steering concussion.
Wide strap lengths.
0-60 in 3.257 seconds.
Pinky wanted me to do her hedges.
So I said sure, I’ll do your hedges.
Then she told me the history of the hedges,
how they didn’t fit together the way they should,
how gaps appear if you cut them too close,
how everything bad happens to the hedges.
I said, ‘don’t worry about the hedges,’ I’ll do them.
But she kept going about it.
I told her not to worry about it.
But that didn’t work for Pinky.
I told her the best thing to do was to go inside
and not worry about the hedges.
But that didn’t work either.
She really had a thing about her hedges.
I told her the best advice, go inside,
lie down, and don’t think about hedges.
I told her if that didn’t work to be calm, lie down,
and don’t think about the hedges and then to
shut up about the hedges and then be calm.
She went inside.
I took care of the hedges and they were beautiful.
Everyone in the neighborhood said they were good hedges
after I was done.
Mother used to sing to me,
“Shuddup child
close your mouth
keep your teeth
white and safe”.
I was thinking about that as I kicked
some fenders in the mall parking lot.
’H’ is a nearby town.
No one even says H-town. They just say ‘H’.
Porches and Lamborghinis paw through town.
Everybody wears running shoes.
I can feel the cool of the lake.
I'm drinking some Jamaican coffee but its a little dull.
There is an ‘art’ show here --
Had I known I wouldn’t have come.
The sun is baking the booth carnies into some kind of wavelength.
Pinky is 300 miles away. I miss Pinky.
